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So I promised Rachel that I would write a post after I had finished my last term paper, and that finally happened tonight! I just remembered I haven’t put together a works cited page yet, but I can do that in the morning.

Anyway, there is a TON to catch up on, but like last time, I’m going to keep it to one topic. I have a whole month of time to blog ahead of me, so I’ll catch you up on PhD school and terrible professors (and awesome ones!) and all that later. What I wanted to share today is less mundane.

Some of you may know this already if you have been following Rachel’s blog (littlerainbowbug.wordpress.com) and read her password protected posts, but for the rest of you…

I’m pregnant!

10 weeks and 3 days, due July 1, 2016.

It’s been so hard not to write anything about it, and that’s part of why I haven’t been blogging (though lack of time for non-academic writing also shares the blame), but we wanted to wait until the little bean was firmly ensconced in my uterus before sharing the news around too liberally. We’re still not sharing on Facebook until we’ve heard the heartbeat (hopefully at our first prenatal visit next week!), so for those of you who know me outside of blogworld or who I’m friends with on other social media, no spilling the beans, please!

Things have been interesting. Mostly ok, though I’ve had a lot of nausea and vomiting. Not hyperemesis, thank goodness, but morning sickness enough to share (not that I’d wish it on anyone). But being in my first term of a doctoral program while also being in my first trimester of my first pregnancy is something else. I’ve been tired, and sick, and I’ve had a very difficult time making myself care about things that don’t feel important. My evolution class felt important. My theory class (the one with the bad professor) didn’t. I just finished writing a 14 page paper comparing two books, one of which I didn’t even read because that’s how much I didn’t care. Not the way to start off a PhD, folks. Just sayin’. (I’m generally a very good student, and I have an A on every other assignment in that class, so I’m not terribly worried about my grade, but still not really something I’m proud of).

But guys! I’m pregnant!

My major professor also happens to be my midwife (the same wonderful woman we used when Rachel was pregnant with Darwin) and we have the same second midwife too, who happens to be another PhD student in my lab. It’s pretty amazing to have such awesome, well educated, and accessible care providers.

I’m planning to have a home birth, though I’ve already been thinking about all the things I would/will want if I end up in the hospital. Like if I have a cesarean, I don’t want to watch but I totally want someone to take pictures. I have a weird fascination with my own uterus and I kind of want to see what it looks like. (Not enough to have an elective cesarean though).

I don’t plan to get any ultrasounds until the 20 week anatomy scan, so I won’t have any pictures of the baby to share until sometime in February. I’ll post bump pics when I start getting a bump that’s discernible from my ready-made pooch. 😉 In the meantime, though, we’ll be posting weekly(ish) updates on my progress over at Little Rainbow Bug. I’ll try to remember to reblog them here, but no promises. 😛

It’s hard to believe I’m almost done with the first trimester, since I’m still having a hard time convincing myself I’m actually pregnant and not just super super late, haha, but hey. There it is. I’ve taken too many pregnancy tests to think I’m making it up, but I still kind of do. Did any of you experience that? Is it just that I’ve been so distracted with school, etc, or is it normal to feel so skeptical still? I’d be very interested in hearing from other mamas on that topic! I’m worried that I’m not as excited as I should be, especially given how long I’ve waited for this, but it’s not like I’m not happy, I’m just still kind of disbelieving. So when did you really feel pregnant? When did you start to feel connected to that little gummy bear?

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11 Comments Add yours

  1. I had two ultrasounds – 8 weeks and 20. I felt emotional at both but honestly, I didn’t feel connected to the pregnancy until he was born. I think that this is a by product of not knowing the sex – it’s harder to make that connection. Feeling him move and the ultrasounds helped some, nursing him for the first time, waking up with him in my arms the day after he was born, watching Lesley asleep with him in her arms – that’s when I felt connected.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. buggleboo says:

      Interesting, I hadn’t thought about knowing the sex being part of it but I can understand why you’d say that. We’ve decided we are going to find out this time so maybe that’ll help. But it still seems like forever til then!

      Like

      1. It’s not that far away! This is flying by!

        Liked by 1 person

        1. buggleboo says:

          It’s weirdly fast and slow at the same time… Kind of like how my school term went too, haha. Or parenting, for that matter. 😉

          Like

  2. Caitlin says:

    I’ve had two odd experiences where I felt SUPER connected to the baby and it kind of freaked me out, because it’s really just a ball of cells (I’m 7w, 5d). I don’t know how to describe it, but after about week 5, I’ve felt a really strong connection. I’ve wondered if it’s me being emotional, or over-thinking it, but then I have these out-of-the-blue overwhelming feelings of love for him/her, and it’s totally out of character for me!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. buggleboo says:

      That’s awesome though! And congratulations, almost 8 weeks! That’s exciting. ^_^

      Sometimes at night I’ll lay in bed with my hands on my lower abdomen over my uterus, and try to visualize the baby in there, try to connect with it somehow, but it’s weirdly distant. I think I always assumed I would have those feelings of overwhelming love and connection right away and it’s weirding me out that I’m not. We have our first prenatal a week from today, I’ll be just shy of 12 weeks, and I’m really hoping to hear the heartbeat. I’m kind of banking on that being a turning point. Fingers crossed!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Congratulations! I don’t have kids so don’t know about the connected piece but could certainly see how this would be hard to believe.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. So excited for you guys. Little Dar is gonna have a playmate and that’s so great! Sorry that you’ve been feeling so crummy with all the nausea. And I totally hear you about not really believing that you are pregnant. I didn’t really feel like I was until the baby started moving. It’s interesting because for the first 18 weeks, before I felt any movement, i just kept forgetting that I was pregnant. It certainly gets more real when you get a little jab to remind you constantly. And also, the times I feel most connected are when it’s just me and the bump, in that car usually, driivng around and singing at the top of my lungs and he’ll give me a good swift kick and i’ll say something like, “Mama’s singing is that terrible pal?” And he’ll kick me again and i’ll just laugh…something for just the two of us…it’s pretty awesome!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. buggleboo says:

      Awww this totally made me smile. Our prenatal is Tuesday and I’m hoping we’ll hear the heartbeat, but I’m soooo looking forward to feeling this little bean move around.

      Like

  5. Lemon Drop says:

    Congrats, lady! I had been reading the passwords but it’s been a while. Glad you’re starting to feel comfortable with the news!

    I had trouble believing/remembering I was pregnant too. I think part of that was my miscarriage and the fact that I was still chasing after a preschooler when I wasn’t at work, but I think it’s totally normal. The wiggles helped, but even then it wasn’t a supper strong connection. I’m starting to feel that now, a while six months or so post birth. Part of me wonders if it has to do with the fact that my wife carried our first so I was used to a delayed bonding and/or not being flooded with memories and comparisons to the first time around, but mostly I think it’s just how I approach life and my kids. I do hope you get to enjoy the pregnancy, however. I didn’t let myself do that until, like, the third trimester and I wish I’d let go of my denial/fear of jinxing it earlier.

    But I didn’t mean for this comment to turn into all about me. Congratulations to you and happy double digits! Yay!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. buggleboo says:

      Haha thanks! I like hearing about you too, so it’s all good. 😉 I have wondered how much of this is about having been the non-gestational parent the first time around, too. I didn’t feel connected to that pregnancy until the ultrasound at 19 weeks, but I really don’t want to wait that long this time! lol. I can’t help wondering if it’s because I’ve imagined being pregnant so many times that it’s hard to distinguish this from one of my fantasies….?

      Like

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