“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.” – Rainer Maria Rilke
I’m one of those people who wants to know the future. I suppose most people are, to some extent. But when I have a problem, rather than trying things until I find the solution, I get stalled because I don’t know which attempt will work. In trying to find the BEST solution, I get stuck with NO solution. I had a… teacher? Spiritual advisor? I’m not sure what to call her. I had a Someone who told me that I “want the answers before [I’m] willing to ask the questions.” It’s true.
I’ve been seeing a therapist, and we’ve been working on helping me heal from childhood trauma. This is a newish therapist, I’ve only seen her 4 or 5 times now, and her style is quite different from the last counselor I’ve seen. The last one was very academic, theoretical, and we could have excellent intellectual conversations about my life and my past. We would analyze what was going on, and then we would develop responses for me to use to address those issues.
This new therapist is what a friend of mine would call a “Huggy Bear.” She wants to make you feel good. Her office feels less professional and more homey (for an office, anyway). One of my first “assignments” was to find a picture of myself as a child and to tell it, every day, that it’s ok, it’s safe now, and I’ll take care of her. It sounded so silly when she suggested it, and I couldn’t see the point. I couldn’t see how it would be the (an) answer. But I did it. And I cried every time.
I was talking to my BFF about all this, and she reminded me to Trust the Process. This is something we both learned in human relations facilitator training– a 4 day workshop that teaches participants to facilitate conversations about power and oppression, including racism, sexism, homophobia, etc. These conversations are usually had after some sort of activity that helps participants think about the issue in a new way. It can be hard, as a facilitator, to avoid trying to control the conversation and make it go the way you think it “should.” Thus, you have to Trust the Process.
My friend likened my situation to a knitting or sewing pattern. You know what you want the end result to look like, but you don’t necessarily understand how to get there. You have to trust the pattern. Trust that it’s written correctly, trust that the designer knew what they were doing when they wrote it. Be patient. Love the questions. Live the process. You can even make modifications if you want. In the end, the finished product may or may not look like what you expected, but it’s yours, made with your own two hands.
Inspired by this post.