Trust the Process

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.” – Rainer Maria Rilke

I’m one of those people who wants to know the future. I suppose most people are, to some extent. But when I have a problem, rather than trying things until I find the solution, I get stalled because I don’t know which attempt will work. In trying to find the BEST solution, I get stuck with NO solution. I had a… teacher? Spiritual advisor? I’m not sure what to call her. I had a Someone who told me that I “want the answers before [I’m] willing to ask the questions.” It’s true.

I’ve been seeing a therapist, and we’ve been working on helping me heal from childhood trauma. This is a newish therapist, I’ve only seen her 4 or 5 times now, and her style is quite different from the last counselor I’ve seen. The last one was very academic, theoretical, and we could have excellent intellectual conversations about my life and my past. We would analyze what was going on, and then we would develop responses for me to use to address those issues.

This new therapist is what a friend of mine would call a “Huggy Bear.” She wants to make you feel good. Her office feels less professional and more homey (for an office, anyway). One of my first “assignments” was to find a picture of myself as a child and to tell it, every day, that it’s ok, it’s safe now, and I’ll take care of her. It sounded so silly when she suggested it, and I couldn’t see the point. I couldn’t see how it would be the (an) answer. But I did it. And I cried every time.

I was talking to my BFF about all this, and she reminded me to Trust the Process. This is something we both learned in human relations facilitator training– a 4 day workshop that teaches participants to facilitate conversations about power and oppression, including racism, sexism, homophobia, etc. These conversations are usually had after some sort of activity that helps participants think about the issue in a new way. It can be hard, as a facilitator, to avoid trying to control the conversation and make it go the way you think it “should.” Thus, you have to Trust the Process.

My friend likened my situation to a knitting or sewing pattern. You know what you want the end result to look like, but you don’t necessarily understand how to get there. You have to trust the pattern. Trust that it’s written correctly, trust that the designer knew what they were doing when they wrote it. Be patient. Love the questions. Live the process. You can even make modifications if you want. In the end, the finished product may or may not look like what you expected, but it’s yours, made with your own two hands.

Inspired by this post.

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15 Comments Add yours

  1. lifeasagaymom says:

    Perfectly said with your friends metaphor. Trust the process is indeed true. I can really apply that to my day! Thanks

    Liked by 1 person

  2. lifeasagaymom says:

    I just realized you probably have no idea what that means lol. Just good words of wisdom and I think a lot can relate.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. buggleboo says:

      It made perfect sense! I may not know exactly what you’re referring to, but I got the sentiment. šŸ™‚

      Like

  3. The lines will fall in the right places for you eventually. Now let me borrow that phrase, trust the process and trudge on. Regards.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. buggleboo says:

      You can absolutely borrow the phrase– I certainly didn’t come up with it myself! My sister’s version is from the movie “Brother Bear.” She says “Trample on, smallish bear!” I think it’s the same idea. šŸ˜‰

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Lemon Drop says:

    This is really lovely. I can think of many applications. Thanks for the post.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. buggleboo says:

      I’m so glad it’s useful for you, too! šŸ™‚

      Like

  5. bumbismom says:

    Well said-Trust the process. It is hard to remember that sometimes, but it really is a good approach.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. buggleboo says:

      *Very* hard to remember. But so far it seems to be working for me!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Trusting the process is always the hardest part, but when you get over that hump, the rest just kinda…i dunno…falls into place. I don’t think you understand how excited and happy for you I am that you are working through so much of your “stuff”. I never really know what to call it, because it’s kind of what made us who we are and we don’t necesarily want to change who we are ::at our core:: but know that things need to change in order to be…well, for lack of a more fitting word, better, if that makes sense. I remember my very painful and also joyous road to really getting myself in order and figuring out my life and who I am and why I am that way, and what I want to keep and what I want to change, and I just get so excited for you, because it sounds like you are really embracing the journey…I’m so glad for you! Truly!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. buggleboo says:

      See, this is why I love this blogging community. I never expected to find such validation and support on the internet, of all places. Thank you! ā¤

      Like

  7. I love what and how you write. Your words pour through me.
    I’m new to blogging and I’ll be grateful if you could visit my blog too. Cheers!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. buggleboo says:

      Wow, what a compliment! Thank you! I will absolutely come visit your blog too. šŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yay, thank you. Expecting you šŸ™‚

        Like

  8. Trusting the process makes things go more smoothly but it is so very hard. It is very hard to live in the moment, isn’t it?
    http://haddonmusings.com/2015/08/02/the-naomi-and-ruth-project-3

    Liked by 1 person

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